Autism Parenting

The Fun Parent

That, I am not for sure!

This morning as I get ready for my day, the husband and Kyson are also awake. He has a hold on his Dad and he knows it. I eventually will have to butt in and break up the chaos. It’s not that they are roughhousing or playing. Kyson is literally screaming and yelling at Dad.

He likes routine and Dad is not at all routine. There’s one thing for sure that Kyson knows, if he screams and pouts enough, Dad will take him somewhere. Eventually, it’s to go outside just to be outside, going to the farm to feed (where he would rather be), or going to Uncle’s car shop to hang out.

Why am I the “mean” parent?

It sucks when your child can’t always say what he wants or needs. He’s going to be 5 in four days and the progress we have made has been great don’t get me wrong, but how do we get to the next level though? Days without the constant meltdowns and destruction of our surroundings. It gets frustrating, I lose focus, and by the time the chaos settles, I’m in tears!

It’s not entirely Dad’s fault, I get that. His patience is long when it comes to Kyson. He doesn’t have many days with him. I, on the other hand, get to be with Kyson daily. Therapists, some see it and some don’t when it comes to who is home that day. Most times when therapy is taking place, he’s fine with Dad being around, but the minute they leave the cycle starts again.

Or am I the teacher?

Maybe I am, I always seem to be teaching him how to transition Kyson out of his meltdowns. Even Kyson gets confused and will see how Dad follows through. His work schedule doesn’t allow us to have family sessions so most of the time I’m explaining and teaching him on how to catch up with programs.

From different strategies that I’ve learned along the way to interacting directly with Kyson. Just so Dad can see the progress. It’s not that I want to undermine his decision, fatherhood, or well-being. I want to show him how far Kyson’s come in the week while he was away.

The wanted parent

I can see how frustrated Dad gets too when all Kyson wants is to be with him. If we allowed it, nothing would ever get done. Dad goes out and fixes the lawnmower and Kyson will watch him through the window and cry the entire time hoping Dad will come to save him. Dad walks out to get the mail and Kyson will find his shoes and chase after him (putting shoes on was taught for motor skills, no trouble here anymore). Kyson is tired and wants to go to bed, he’ll go lie down, but wants Dad to sleep too! He shouts from the room “Daddy?… Daddy?….DADDY?!” It’s follow the leader all day long while I sit and watch. I’m just chopped liver!

Where’s the parent guide?

There’s no manual for this, we learn one minute at a time, one meltdown at a time, but the best is moving forward in progress one step at a time. Even when it’s 3 steps forward and 2 steps back, there are still victories gained. Sometimes I have to wonder if he’s just being a 4 year old having a tantrum to get his way or is it that he’s struggling to tell us something? I guess like always I can hope. Some days, that’s all I got.

Conclusion

Vent Session Over. Have a fantastic week!

-Anna MV

Anna MV

A Hmong woman practicing life finding art in everything. Blogger of Family, Life, Culture, Autism, Self Awarenes

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4 Comments

  1. When my husband puts the kids to bed it is like he is shaking up a can of coke. And I am always like – “what the heck are you doing, dude?” It’s only funny for a minute – and then “I” have the next hour to get them settled again. I can relate – my husband is not home, never attended any sessions and sometimes I think that he doesn’t see the whole picture. If a therapist didn’t point out some of the delays to me, I would miss them and not know that I needed to help Declan with something. Frustrating! My vent time is over too 🙂 Hope you have a good week too! 🙂

    1. 😆 Thanks for sharing that with me Robyn!

  2. Hey Anna, it’s true – you can’t have 2 fun parents or life at home would be a circus.

    1. 🤣 very true Kevin!

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