It’s been a while since I’ve been able to post. The world just seems out of place at the moment, especially with our normal routine. Days turn into weeks and sooner than later, a month already passes by. Behavioral Chaos…that’s what we’ve called it here in our humble abode recently. Kyson’s behavior has been nothing but chaos.

After the safer at home order was lifted, we were able to restart in-home therapy. However, in the midst of not being able to do so, we have yet lost another great behavioral technician. Which means we started from scratch with someone new. This turnover of behavioral techs isn’t anything new, we have gone through many.  With that said, I’ve been contemplating if I should quit ABA therapy for him.

When he was first diagnosed, the doctor suggested 40 hours a week which I don’t know any family that is able to do that. The school Kyson goes to has a program specifically for teaching children on the spectrum, so if you think about the 7 hours of school in a day, that equates to 35, plus the 15 hours a week we do at home. That’s 50 hours!

Reasons Why

1. Virtual Learning – While school was carried out at home, I realized that Kyson’s school program teaches him almost the exact way. They use a lot of the same procedures to teach him the way he learns. Which is great but I can’t help but wonder if a full day of school is already enough? Does the 3 hours after school of ABA at home matter to him?
2. Speech & OT – Kyson has speech and occupational therapy at school. A lot of the activities that were sent home replicated a lot of the individual lessons of his class already, however it’s probably more focused on one specific and one on one time. This makes me realized that it’s probably why he doesn’t have it so often at school since it will be used in his classroom too.
3. Behavioral Technician (BT) Turnover – We are currently in our 3rd year of having ABA and we have gone through 11 different members coming and ending their position in our team. We’ve even encountered 3 who came for one day for the first initial meet and then decided it wasn’t for them. Which I get it, I don’t think people know what they’re applying for. They probably just think they’re babysitting kids. Kyson has usually adjusted well to new BTs but let’s just say as of today with his current BT, it’s hasn’t gone well at all. It chaos all the time and I have to be honest, I’m going completely nuts! I’ve only had to terminate one from our case in the last 3 years and it didn’t feel good. I honestly don’t want to have to do that again, but I’m at the point where I need my sanity back and my child needs someone who he can work well with.
4. Dad – Kyson and his dad have always had a very unique relationship. Dad is the fun parent and well, that means Kyson does not see Dad as an authority at all. Kyson talks to him in a yelling manner which we have been trying forever to correct. This behavioral chaos is not acceptable in my book. Even though we are trying, it doesn’t help that only one parent is consistent. I always try to reason this with telling myself, yes he’s the baby, it’s okay to spoil him sometimes, Dad is just a pushover. Then I hold these thoughts and feelings into the point where I explode. “Why can’t you just help me?!” Most days, I feel like I shouldn’t have to explain this to Dad, but I feel like I do all the time and then I see myself as just nagging. Ugh, why?!
5. Family Time – I guess this goes hand in hand with the above but we really need our family time back. We need to work on the issue with Dad and Kyson’s relationship, but maybe I’m just being selfish because I really want to be able to just end my day with my family doing something together in peace. I’ve lost so much focus I can’t keep track of my days, who needs to be where, and who still needs to go get their appointments in for the year. I need my family time and consistency back.

Final Thoughts

I haven’t been able to post anything in so long because I’m exhausted. I’m literally at my wit’s end. I work to hide from the chaos at home now, it’s terrible! I don’t want to come home to my son who is so happy to see me and then as soon as therapy starts or Dad is around behavioral chaos starts! I don’t have the energy to work and then come home trying to run the household and do therapy with the BT too. Kyson constantly runs away in frustration or just doesn’t want to. He’s only 6, he just wants to play, it’s summer! We haven’t even been able to go on our walks in the evenings anymore. I just want him to be who he is and this “behavioral chaos” isn’t him. He’s the sweetest kid and turning into someone I’ve never seen before.

Even after all this, I’m still contemplating if ABA should continue. Will there be any light at the end of this tunnel? Please pray for me. My gut feeling isn’t working at this time.

-Anna MV